Overcooked

It doesn't quite move me to tears, but I am loathe to admit that I think David Archuleta's prolly gonna beat David Cook last night. I spose Daughtry proved that it doesn't matter much if the rocker wins, but watching Little David awkwardly shift back and forth on stage under the guise of "performance" still sorta makes my skin crawl.

As Idol finales goes, this one was typically overblown, even for a performance show. Atypically, tho, it appears that Rupert Murdoch must have recently bought professional boxing (perhaps to rename it "FOXing"?) because Fox pulled out every boxing cliche and pummeled us in the face with them. We got Michael Buffer doing his "let's get ready to Idol!" schtick. Side note: hey, Michael Buffer – let's get ready to... go away. The bloom's been off your rose ever since I saw you do the white-man's-overbite dance with your trophy wife/girlfriend at the B-List Godzilla premiere party ten years ago.

Anyway, back to the bout – in addition to Buffer, we got the Dueling Davids dressed in robes and gloves for their introductions. We got Jim Lampley barking boxing analysis at the beginning of each round. And if you're like me, we got tired of it pretty quickly. Particularly by the time Simon crowned the night a "knockout" for Archuleta.

Oh, and as Randy reminded us several times, the show took place in the new Nokia theatre at LA Live! Apparently the Davids were competing to be the King of the Nokia. And that they rocked the Nokia. And, oddly enough, that this is THE duel of 2007! I suppose he was looking to the past because they're getting ready to crown a mini version of Clay Aiken – Archuleta was "better" last night, in the sense that he nailed his treacly ballads. Clive Davis gave him a classic, the songwriter winner was in his wheelhouse, and his take on "Imagine" is pretty moving. Cook, however, started pretty strong with the U2 song, did the best he could with his songwriter winner, and then dug his own grave with a boring Collective Soul song that never took off. If he'd done a full length version of Always Be My Baby, I'd be writing a different post right now.

So the former Claymates can celebrate Little David's win by rechristening themselves "Archuladies" and Big David can become the next Daughtry. I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is that songwriter contest. Lose it – or at the very least, don't saddle the finalists with having to perform them. "Dream Big" was a forgettable piece of power pop, and Archuleta basically did a rehash of Kelly Clarkson's "Moment Like This." It's a bad idea executed poorly, and it leaves a gaping good-song-sized hole in the middle of the show. Let's fast-forward thru tonight's results and then fast-forward to next year's excruciating auditions.