Not Much of America's Got Talent

"The biggest talent show in the world" is into the live performance shows, which is both good and bad. Fortunately, the producers have scaled up people's acts to fit a Vegas-type stage... unfortunately, many of them don't deserve to be there. Like, say, the first five acts that got cut tonight.

To recap, the first act cut was Ronnie B, who demonstrated a minor bit of weird "wacky foreigner" charm in the auditions, but showed his true colors as a sub-William Hung embarrassment last night. Next to pack his bags was a magician named Shimshi, who chose, strangely, to downgrade his act from sawing a woman into several parts to a card trick-slash-backflip. And toodle-oo to the DC Cowboys, an posse of middle-aged gay cowboy dancers. America then opted for brilliant tenor Neal E. Boyd as opposed to a Derrick Barry, a cross-dressing Britney Spears impersonator. And then host Jerry Springer manufactured some faux tension by having each judge name who they wanted to go on: The James Gang, an interesting if occasionally underwhelming blend of hip-hop and vaudeville or Elite, a little girl who dresses her dad and his friends up as pirates and pretends to beat them up. Tough call, huh?

Surviving until next week (in addition to Boyd and the James Gang) were Jessica Price, a sweet countryish girl who'd prolly be a better fit for American Idol, Extreme Dance FX, an unfortunately titled troupe who perform about as poorly as their name, and The Cadence, a Blue Man-type drum act that isn't, well, blue.

Now, to break down the rest of the "talent:"

• Beyond Belief proved that being the twenty-one best dancers in Mesquite, TX doesn't amount to much in, you know, the real world
• Paul Solas knocked out his version of "My Way," which was tremendously endearing and won over the judges, altho I think he's a better raconteur than singer
• Brutally bad Kazual demonstrated why no one's particularly interested Boyz II Men type groups anymore
• Next was Zooperstars!, a bizarre band of inflatable mascots that have a strangely engaging charm, if not a ton of actual talent
  
• Mini-von Trapp family castoffs The Wright Kids abandoned their bluegrass roots to cute their way through a nightmarishly psychedelic rendition of Daydream Believer
• One-joke loser Jonathon Arons performed his "I'm a dork with a trombone that tries to drop some sexy dance moves on ya'll" act, much to the delight (inexplicably) of the judges
• Iraq War veteran Daniel Jens soldiered on (sorry, couldn't resist) put away his uniform to bring out his version of "Every Breathe You Take," which proved that without the war story, he's unfortunately an ok bar singer... at best
• The Slippery Kittens performed a Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B burlesque, apparently in an effort to officially retire the term "milf"
• George the Giant, who had primarily carved out a niche as a seven-foot version of Jackass, bored the judges (and I'd wager the national audience) with schtick about escaping from a straight jacket while being mistaken for a pinata by a bunch of annoying kids and their schoolmarm
• Queen Emily closed the show by rearing back and belting an Aretha Franklin-style inspirational; good stuff, altho I'm less impressed than the judges

So. After the first half of the top forty have taken the stage, nothing's changed since the first time I've watched the show – at this point, it's Boyd's competition to lose. Stay tuned to see if anyone can topple this tenor. Or, you know – don't... I'll take care of it for you ;)

Best. Ads. Ever?

OMFG! I spose the VWs, Nikes and Absoluts of the world might say otherwise, but I'll give the CW this: they know what to do when reviewers give them lemons. Make lemonade... sweet, hot, sexy lemonade. And pour it all over some nearly naked twentysomethings.

Season 1's out on DVD and Season 2 starts next week. Tune in and turn on.

xoxo,
geo

Yes. Yes, I do.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

iTunes users, apparently. The landmark comic series has debuted as what Warner Bros. calls a "Motion Comic," meaning they've brought the story to life with animated art and voiceover narration. Is it worth a read... er, watch?

Contrary to popular opinion, I'm gonna say yes. In short, Watchmen is a superhero deconstruction set in an alternate 1985 where costumed crimefighters have been outlawed... and potentially targeted for murder. Oh, and it's also a staggering piece of visionary brilliance.

The motion comic's animation isn't extravagant – don't expect The Incredibles here – but for a generation comfortable with blurry YouTube clips and Flash webcomics, it makes the material fairly approachable. More is accomplished playing with pans and different depths of field than I imagined. The narration is a little less successful – I didn't realize it was a single actor until I heard him read as the first female character... or attempt to. And at some point, all these characters will be burned into our brain with the faces and voices of the upcoming film.

But until then, watching it chapter-by-chapter on your iPod isn't a bad way to go. Purists will claim that the only way to experience Watchmen is to turn the printed pages, but for those unlikely to venture into the corner comic shop, this makes for a decent download. Overall, it's nice to see the medium treated with respect, and frankly, if well-intentioned efforts turn new audiences on to comic classics, I'm all for it.

If you have $300 million lying around...

...you could buy this:

The Opening Ceremonies of the 2008 Games

Pretty impressive, as these things go, particularly the scale and precision. Opening ceremonies are traditionally an explosion of symbolism and confusion, but the messages of this spectacular was fairly clear: China's a much more open society than, well, it's acted like it is, we can coordinate armies of people with a snap of our fingers, and we've got more money than you could possibly imagine. While the show did feature some slight head-shakers (like a parade of adorable children presenting the Chinese and Olympic flags to... stern goose-stepping soldiers) overall the performers used a novel combination of digital technology (a 500-foot LED screen) and traditional discipline (2008 dancers forming and re-forming perfect circles in unison) to highlight China's cultural contributions through history. In case you missed it, a quick recap:

2008 drummers that coordinated light patterns with every strike

Traditional costumes presented on a mass scale

A rippling ocean simulated with incredible precision

Snow ninjas and, um, glowing frogmen

Spectacular Cirque du Soleil-style displays and China's famous fireworks

Bob Costas and Matt Lauer provided the commentary, along with their Chinese analyst, Joshua Cooper Ramo. Lauer talked a great deal about the scrim that surrounds the entire stadium; in this ceremony, it was used to project supporting images on – in the future, one imagines it'll support advertising for the Chinese soccer team. Costas kept upping the ante of bombastic praise, finishing with something like "for Opening Cermonies competition, you can now close the book!" Guess Muhammed Ali and this guy can go screw, huh? And Ramo skirted China's brutal human rights record and other controversial issues, urging everyone to focus on the future... or at least the impressive dancers. One odd note they all kept repeating was the fact that all the formations featured 2008 performers, as testimony to the host country's huge population. Yes, China's got a lot of people – but it's not like Vancouver's gonna be unable to scrounge up 2010 dancers for the opening of the Winter Games in a couple years. Overall, tho, good show. Now bring on the underage gymnasts!

Mad Meh

I tried, I really tried. Not only to like this show, but to avoid another "meh." But if the penny loafer fits...

Anyway, I tuned in for the series premiere last year and it didn't take. As the episodes kept piling up on my DVR, I decided to abandon the Mad Men of Stirling Cooper to their drinks and smokes – until the raves also kept piling up and I figured it was worth another go. About halfway thru the first season on DVD... still not so much.

There's no soul. And perhaps I'm missing some meta metaphor buried deep within the boredom, but nothing makes me want to keep watching. The characters, particularly the lead mystery man Don Draper, are so detached and clinical that I can't find a reason to care about what happens to them. Or their relationships. Or their drinks and smokes. Once one gets over the Madison Avenue atmosphere, which I'll grant is skillfully executed, what else is there? Awkward pauses and long songs that fade to the closing credits. Pass.

Better Late Than... (Batman For)ever

Ok, here's the thing – I was out of town when The Dark Knight came out, so I saw it late. Adding my voice to the chorus of cheers for this magnificent movie isn't going to sound much different. I agree with the other three hundred million people – it's breathtaking piece of malevolent brilliance. Yes, Heath Ledger should be in the running for an Oscar and yes, it could be a legit contender for Best Picture. It's that good – not just a great superhero movie, but a superior movie overall.

That said, I do want to highlight what I found perhaps most impressive – that after a staggeringly well-executed viral campaign, the marketing team saved their biggest surprise for last...

The third act.

So often, watching a trailer is a 90 second version of a 90 minute movie – plot and all. Watching the movie feels like sitting thru a particularly labored director's cut. Not so with Dark Knight. At about the hour and forty minute mark, a major chase scene began to seem more and more climactic. Eminently happy with the movie so far, I settled in for what looked to be a bang-up ending.

Not so – The Joker's got an ace or two up his sleeve, and the last hour manages to stand up and separate itself from what's already a spectacular film. It's a gut-wrenchingly tense thrill ride... that I hadn't seen in the previews. The decision to not splash every moment on every screen across the globe was a welcome one – and must be adding to the incredible word of mouth that's helping the movie destroy Hollywood's record grosses.

Obviously the most credit must go to the filmmakers, but in this day and age, watching a marketing masterpiece is a rare treat. Well done.

Freeways & Fairways

If you've ever watched The Amazing Race and thought it'd be better if the contestants were carrying golf clubs instead of backpacks, or if you've ever watched golf and thought it'd be better if the players drove the carts into each other at breakneck speeds... I have the show for you. They call it Highway 18, as apparently The Amazing Golf Cart Race was taken.

It lifts Race's formula almost exactly, except instead of having to zipline across a pool of lions riding sharks or whatever, these mismatched teams of two face increasingly difficult tasks on the links. Many of which involve playing as fast as they can, always a smart strategy for the sport ;) The teams include a father who allows his smartass son to call him by his first name and relentlessly berate him, two good ol' boys whose last name might as well be Duke, squabbling siblings, a 40 year old financial analyst and a trophy/token African-American girl that claim they have a "special friendship," and the requisite hot blondes. The host's qualifications appear to be that she was a two-time Miss Oregon contestant.

And yet, it works. The shift from driving challenges to driving the green challenges can be a little jarring, but it's a fun spin on a solid formula. Overall it feels a little like the first season of Top Chef – when Billy Joel's trophy wife was hosting instead of Padma. It's little rough around the edges, not quite figured out, but a decent idea. One suggestion – when people finish last but are spared from elimination by being given a "strike" against them... make it a mulligan. Like, you know, in golf?

Batmanimeh

Yeah, I use the "meh" joke a lot. Unfortunately, there's a lot of "meh" stuff out there, and the latest Batman animated movie, Gotham Knight, sadly earns that distinction as well. Even with top creators from the comic and anime worlds all under the watchful eye of Bruce Timm, the genius who basically defined the animated DC universe, this discourse on the Dark Knight never adds up to much.

What's wrong? Part of it's the format (six unconnected short stories), part of it's the promise (supposedly bridging the gap between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight) and a lot of the problems fall on the style. Most of what's on screen just looks and sounds wrong, particularly for something that's supposed to fit in with the movies. Aside from a few token references ("the Narrows," the Scarecrow) this version of Gotham would fit right in with Neo-Tokyo. Or the Sprawl. Or Tim Burton's backyard. And these interpretations of both Bruce Wayne and Batman don't mesh with the movies either – instead of being grounded in reality like Christian Bale, this Gotham Knight is bulletproof, fireproof, and apparently logicproof, as the shorts are typical anime fare – all flair and flash without much substance. Even Kevin Conroy, the voice of Batman for several series, feels off when his voice is coming out of this...

...or this...

...or, unfortunately, this:

Overall, some of the shorts fare better than the others, but you're better off seeing the big screen Batman instead. Pass.

Hancocked and Overloaded

Wow, this is a weird one – it's both better and worse than I thought it'd be. Deconstructing superheroes has been happening in comics for a few decades, but it's relatively new to the silver screen. Can Hancock stand up with pioneers like Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns or new classics like Astro City or Alias?

Um, no. There are interesting ideas and a promising presence, but a misguided twist and muddled mythos make this movie kind of a mess. Overall a watchable one, but certainly not a complete success. Will Smith plays Hancock – an apathetic, alcoholic superhero with a penchant for doing more harm than good, at least financially. On one of his early escapades, he saves a struggling PR exec (Jason Bateman, channeling kind of a combo of his dad roles from both Arrested Development and Juno) who decides to help rehabilitate the hated hero.

Smart concept, but after the initially fun scenes of Hancock's destructive heroics, the way it plays out drifts toward dumb. Faced with a series of summons and debt mounting in the millions, Hancock takes responsibility for his actions by agreeing to incarceration. It's part of the PR plan – prove to the public that he's willing to change and wait for them to need a hero again. And it works, as he answers the call a kindler, gentler (if somewhat more awkward) spin on Superman... until about the middle of the movie.

I'll avoid spoilers, but suffice to say that both Hancock's origin story and rogues gallery are weak at best. At worst, they make little to no sense and seem crammed in from an earlier treatment. At just over an hour and a half, the flick's sailing along at a nice little clip, takes a bizarre left turn that plays havoc with the plotting and pacing – and never truly recovers. It's a jarring shift in tone and storytelling that left me staring at the screen, wondering if I fell asleep and missed some crucial scene. There are a couple nice moments that wrap up the movie, but they don't hold up to more than a second's thought. Maybe a half second.

So what starts as a smartass satire of sorts turns into a fairly bizarre headscratcher. I mentioned it's better and worse than I thought – it doesn't deserve the blisteringly bad reviews it's getting, but it almost runs completely off the rails in ways you weren't envisioning. Is it worth seeing? I'll give it a light yes. Will Smith's good, Jason Bateman's funny and Charlize Theron is... um... hot. But you can prolly wait 'til DVD, particularly if you're not crazy about shakycam. Director Peter Berg takes his style from Friday Night Lights and overplays his handheld visuals a tad – so combine that with a sorta hit-and-miss movie and it might be more of a Netflixer.

Wanted dead or... well, pretty much just dead

Ok. If you're one of those "Wesley was blond in the comic so the second they cast James McAvoy I McAvowed not to see the movie" people, or of you're one of those "I'm actually not that fascinated by slo-mo shots of personalized bullets customized with witty messages exploding out of foreheads" people, this is not the movie for you.

Anyone else, get ready for a revenge tale with a heaping helping of gun porn. Wanted is based on a nihilistic supervillain comic (I could get all fanboy on you and say that it's "inspired by," as they lost the superhero angle entirely, but hey – the creator doesn't seem to have a problem with it; why should I?) about a cubicle-bound drone who's snapped out of his wage slave existence by learning that he isn't, in fact, an Account Service Manager... he's the son of the greatest assassin who ever lived. Oh, and that, with some training that primarily consists of getting beaten up, knifed and shooting pigs he has the ability to move super-fast, curve bullets and absorb an astonishing amount of pain.

Sounds fun, huh? Surprisingly, it is. While the movie diverges from the source material fairly seriously, it retains the WTF-like attitude that propels the audience through a series of increasingly impressive action set pieces. It's a little difficult to decide who to root for, as while Wesley's the protagonist, it's hard to call him a hero, but pretty early on you'll have seen cars flip over each other to land on and accelerate off buses, bullets crash into each other and dent in mid-air (on purpose!) and Angelina Jolie climb naked out of a healing bath of translucent wax, so it's also a little difficult to complain.

It's far from perfect – somewhat uneven, halfheartedly satirical and admittedly illogical, but it's by and large a blast. This isn't one to analyze to death, it's just one to check your head and enjoy... to death.

Maybe not Incredible...

...but far from terrible. The Incredible Hulk, the announcement of which most people reacted to with an Incredible Huh? turns out to be pretty good. It's still sort of minor summer entertainment – one of those flicks you can't remember much about as you're walking out – but it's a huge improvement over the Ang Lee-led disaster that almost killed the franchise.

First, it starts off strong – the Hulk's (retconned) creation is told in quick flashes during the opening credits, proving my theory that you don't need a whole movie of origin story when people know the characters. Second, Ed Norton Hulks out pretty quick and the movie's off to the races. There's still a bunch of Jekyll and Hyde haranguing and it's not exactly the deepest story (short version: Hulk meets and tries to beat a bigger, uglier Hulk) but if you're looking to watch a big rubbery CGI monster beat the hell out of a bigger somewhat less rubbery CGI monster, this delivers.

And Hulk looks about as good as he's going to, I think. In one of his many misfires, earlier director Ang Lee strapped on the mo-cap suit and performed the Hulk's movements, turning him into a prancing, mincing green jelly bean. Here he comes across as an out-of-control feral force of nature, which works much better. I spose one could sit thru the whole film pointing out that he looks kinda fakey, but at that point one's made up their mind to not enjoy the movie. This all-CGI Hulk holds up far better than, say, Michael Chiklis in The Thing suit, so I'll take it.

In terms of the cast, it's generally solid. Ed Norton is a significant upgrade from Eric Banna – he manages the internal angst of Bruce Banner without completely drowning the character. Liv Tyler's fine in a pretty thankless role and Tim Roth is a bit overeager as the main enemy Blonsky. William Hurt isn't great as the age-old trope of the General who doesn't care about anything except creating weapons, but he doesn't derail the film. There's one great cameo and a couple tired ones (Marvel Comics movies are no longer a novelty – can't we be done with Stan Lee?) and a pretty whiz-bang ending that sets up a sequel or Avengers movie pretty nicely.

Overall, it's a pleasant surprise, albeit a huge green angry one. Worth a watch.

Dunno about America, but this guy's Got Talent

Tuned into America's Got Talent last night, a show I'd always dismissed as a garish freakshow, perhaps because the combo of Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, David Hasselhoff and Jerry Springer doesn't exactly scream "Talent!" to me.

And for much of the evening, I thought I was right. Sure, there was a cute four-year old singer and a nice moment with a male baton twirler, but overall nothing that made me consider the show any more than vaguely harmless summer filler. Until Neal E. Boyd, an insurance salesman from a lower-class background took the stage and absolutely blew everyone away. Take a watch – I got chills.



If this guy doesn't win, this show doesn't deserve to be on. Whether it holds up for a whole season is yet to be seen, but I'll tune in weekly to watch Boyd sing. You should too.

I doubt it'll be like this...

...mostly because Kal Penn isn't invited. Anyway, I'm off to Sin City for the weekend. I'd promise to post tales of debauchery and such, but as they say:

(yeah, that's not happening either ;)

One of the best movies you've prolly never seen

It's like Pulp Fiction meets Scream.
Netflix it now.

Tenacious P

In this weekend's smash hit, Jack Black basically plays himself in a CGI panda suit. It's not a timeless classic, but certainly a ton of fun. Detailing the plot for you would be pointless (short version: Unlikely Hero Saves Village); the film succeeds as an incredible animation showcase and a forum for Black's scattershot humor.

While DreamWorks' stuff always has a different edge than Pixar's, it's a terrific looking flick. It's packed with action (you can see the individual hairs of fur during the dramatic slo-mo shots in the fights) and the characters (including Dustin Hoffman, David Cross, Angelina Jolie and more) are incredibly animated. Black's the clear star of show, as the entire film is built around him vamping a bunch of kung fu humor.

Plus, it's appealing for parents without resorting to lazy parody (like much of Shrek) or being smarmy (like the rest of Shrek). It's light and breezy, the kung fu is fun, and the kids'll love it. Enjoy.

Lockebox

Excuse the Al Gore reference, but how many more chances will we get to make those? Regardless, incredible close to a spectacular season of Lost last night. Less of a complete mindblower than last year's, but prolly more emotionally rewarding. Can. Not. Wait. 'Til. 09.

Three Words

Watch.

This.

Show.

Sometimes...

...despite your worst fears, they get it right. At least I did ;) Kudos to Idol for crowning the rocker who was far beyond the competition. And, um, boo-dos (I guess) to Idol for running far beyond their two hours. When your whole year boils down to a few seconds, the producers should trade one of the tiresome medleys to get those few seconds in during the, you know, show. But enough bitching – tonight all is right in America... n Idol.

Overcooked

It doesn't quite move me to tears, but I am loathe to admit that I think David Archuleta's prolly gonna beat David Cook last night. I spose Daughtry proved that it doesn't matter much if the rocker wins, but watching Little David awkwardly shift back and forth on stage under the guise of "performance" still sorta makes my skin crawl.

As Idol finales goes, this one was typically overblown, even for a performance show. Atypically, tho, it appears that Rupert Murdoch must have recently bought professional boxing (perhaps to rename it "FOXing"?) because Fox pulled out every boxing cliche and pummeled us in the face with them. We got Michael Buffer doing his "let's get ready to Idol!" schtick. Side note: hey, Michael Buffer – let's get ready to... go away. The bloom's been off your rose ever since I saw you do the white-man's-overbite dance with your trophy wife/girlfriend at the B-List Godzilla premiere party ten years ago.

Anyway, back to the bout – in addition to Buffer, we got the Dueling Davids dressed in robes and gloves for their introductions. We got Jim Lampley barking boxing analysis at the beginning of each round. And if you're like me, we got tired of it pretty quickly. Particularly by the time Simon crowned the night a "knockout" for Archuleta.

Oh, and as Randy reminded us several times, the show took place in the new Nokia theatre at LA Live! Apparently the Davids were competing to be the King of the Nokia. And that they rocked the Nokia. And, oddly enough, that this is THE duel of 2007! I suppose he was looking to the past because they're getting ready to crown a mini version of Clay Aiken – Archuleta was "better" last night, in the sense that he nailed his treacly ballads. Clive Davis gave him a classic, the songwriter winner was in his wheelhouse, and his take on "Imagine" is pretty moving. Cook, however, started pretty strong with the U2 song, did the best he could with his songwriter winner, and then dug his own grave with a boring Collective Soul song that never took off. If he'd done a full length version of Always Be My Baby, I'd be writing a different post right now.

So the former Claymates can celebrate Little David's win by rechristening themselves "Archuladies" and Big David can become the next Daughtry. I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is that songwriter contest. Lose it – or at the very least, don't saddle the finalists with having to perform them. "Dream Big" was a forgettable piece of power pop, and Archuleta basically did a rehash of Kelly Clarkson's "Moment Like This." It's a bad idea executed poorly, and it leaves a gaping good-song-sized hole in the middle of the show. Let's fast-forward thru tonight's results and then fast-forward to next year's excruciating auditions.