The Guys Can Blow, the Girls... Just Blow

The ladeez of American Idol were almost uniformly terrible last night. The lone voice singing in the wilderness that was worth listening to was Brooke, whose hippie Sheryl Crow vibe is working, if a little grating. But otherwise you can pretty much sum the evening up with this:
It's Overmyer, Amanda – the Janice Joplin-meets-Cats competition, that is.. As for the rest of 'em, Alaina's angling for the Haley Scarnato "pretty girl, pretty bad" award, Alexandrea Lushington, aside from having a perfect pornstar name, looked (and sounded) like she'd just come from a parkour session, Asia'h should be voted off on name alone, Carly, despite endless praise from the judges and nearly that much money spent already trying to make her a star, appears to me to be just an ordinary singer with a fun brogue, Kady Malloy (the Rich Little of the bunch) nearly missed both falling down the stairs and every note she sang, Ramiele apparently picked her song so that people couldn't make a "lullaby" joke off her last name "Malubay," Syesha showed a commercial in which she appeared as a middle-aged fat guy's trophy wife, and Kristy Lee Cook, despite being a hot cage fighter, stomped and posed all over the stage while belting out a bad song.

But she remains, fortunately, a hot cage fighter, so she'll stick around. The rest of the hacks? Send 'em back.


David vs. Goliath...

...who is, like many of the contestants, also named David. Last night two guys separated themselves from the rest of the Idols:
The first David, last name Archuleta, is this sweet kid whose self-deprecating smiling would be annoying if he wasn't so damn good. This kid can sing (or "blow," as Randy Jackson unfortunately often says). Remarkably talented and charmingly young, he'll face his toughest competition among the guys from...
David Cook, who's much more musically established – older, has toured, etc. He's also carving out a niche for himself as the next Daughtry, unlike Robbie Carrico, who purports to be "a real rocker" but was, alas, in a bubblegum pop band called Boyz-N-Girlz United.

Seriously. Boyz. N. Girlz. United.

Anyway, the rest of 'em, with the possible exception of now one-named Chikezie, are pretty much a loss. The other David is an over-the-top loon, Danny Noriega's got an interesting... uh... vibe to him, but I think it'll turn into a novelty act at some point, Jason Yeager seems to be auditioning to play the gay younger brother in a Dane Cook vehicle, Jason Castro looks like he got lost (and stoned) en route to a Halloween party, the Orlando Bloom guy ought to be in a Queen cover band instead, and WhatsHisFace is lost outside of songs that Bush would've sung. Bring on tha ladeez.