With all due respect to Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the night before New Year’s, and all thru my loft
Not a TV was stirring; the shows are all off.
Buffy ornaments hung from my fake Target tree
Except for the ones that were shipped late (but free).

I turned on the TV, without too much hope
I flipped to the guide, all the time thinking “nope.”
When, what to my TiVo-ing eyes should appear
But a brand new OC, all about the New Year!

Thank you, o FOX, you most maverick of networks
For a holiday way for OC fans to get perks.
They already had a great Chrismukkah show
A New Year’s Eve ep? I had assumed no.

It starts with the stars stuck at a gas station
With a pregnancy test… is there an incubation?
Seth, Summer, Ryan and Taylor in trouble –
Let’s find out what happened; flashback on the double!

New Year’s was looking like kind of a bummer
‘Cause Seth didn’t plan a fun evening for Summer.
But Ryan’s en route to Las Vegas with Taylor
Assuming Sin City is where he will nail her.

So Seth horns his way in on Ryan’s big plans
We catch up with the kids on the road in their van.Back to the test – maybe Summer is late, and
Before we find out, the plot shifts to Kaitlin.

Miss Jailbait’s back home, going shopping with Bullitt
For a dress for her mother, who he’s trying to hit.
And speaking of Julie, her business is booming
'Cause instead of dates, clients pay her for zooming.

And Bullitt’s hired Frank to put her books in order
Unaware Julie’s turned into a whorer.
At the party they host, Kirsten tries to remember
If the dates they set up were this “May-December.”

Back on the road, the kids try their best
To track down a chick who stole Summer’s test.
They arrive at a rave, and wouldn’t you know
Seth runs into a fan, dressed up as "Kid Chino."

At home, Creepy Frank tells Julie he knows
That the strapping young men at the party are hos.
She sneaks out to meet him at his hotel suite
Buying his silence with “between the sheets.”

Seth actually makes Summer feel even worse
About the pregger test in the missing purse.
She steals Ryan’s keys and drives into the night
While Seth finds the purse and tries to set things right.

To catch up with the girls, the guys get a lift
From Seth’s superfan. But how to heal the rift?
Ryan asks Seth if the pregger test matters
If life without Summer would be left in tatters.

Seth knows Ryan’s right, as he comes to his senses
And starts on the process of mending the fences.
Well, Summer’s not pregnant, but now here’s the thing –
Seth pledges his love and busts out a ring!

And meanwhile Sandy is researching Frank,
‘Cause something about him jarred his memory bank.
He figures it out, and the hammer comes down
Frank’s not who he says… Ryan’s dad has hit town!