10.21.2006

2B R NT 2B


Even in this IM/text messaging generation, that is still the question. Upon careful viewing, I've found a crippling inaccuracy in The Trilogy. And I'm not referring to the much-maligned prequels. I fear I must report the oversight lies within the classic Trilogy – Bring it On, Bring it On Again, and Bring it On: All or Nothing.

The issue appears first in the founding film, Bring it On. Just moments after Torrance ascends to the throne of Head Cheerleader, her authority is questioned during auditions. When subserviant nepotist attempts a coup by throwing support behind her unqualified sister, Torrance re-establishes her rule by clearly stating, "This is not a Democracy – this is a Cheer-ocracy."

This is a Cheer-ocracy. More fateful words were never uttered.

The underling retreats, allowing Torrance to place her ally, Missy, at her right hand. While Rancho Carne places second at nationals, they live to fight another day, and the chain of command is intact. The Cheer-ocracy remains unchallenged in Bring it On Again, where the similarly-named Whittier strives to survive under Tina's tyrannical rule.

In Bring it On: All or Nothing, however, the rules appear to have been rewritten.

During a pivotal moment of her racial integration into an inner-city squad, Britney, a former Head Cheerleader who was displaced from her privileged suburban school, opines to Camille that they incorporate crumpin' into their routine. This will, of course, attract the attention of pop star Rihanna (noted for her acumen at judging cheerleader prowess), guaranteeing the Crenshaw Heights squad an appearance in her latest video and computers for their underfunded education department.

However, Camille, presented with a callback opportunity from the seminal film, tells Britney that... "This is not a Cheer-ocracy." Yet, despite this proclamation, she dismisses Britney's suggestion without hesitation. Clearly Camille is exercising the rights of a Head Cheerleader – rights established with a Cheer-ocracy. Not a Cheer-ocracy? What, then, would you call it?

The question stands unanswered.

Exhaustive examination of the DVDs deleted scenes offered no solution to what has come to be known as the "Is/Is Not Cheer-ocracy Conundrum." The included commentary? Nothing. And with no news of future installments in the Bring it On saga, I fear that the dream of a clearly defined state of Cheer-ocracy will remain just that... a dream.

3 comments:

Some Guy said...

Sometimes I wonder whether this country might be better off under a "cheer-ocracy" rather than our boring old democracy. Kudos for shedding light on this unanswered question.

On a related topic, what's the deal with Kirsten Dunst? She looked pretty good in that movie, but she has the capacity to look like ass. Is she what is known as a "two-face"? Thoughts?

Geo said...

Worst. Mary Jane. Ever.

And I think you're on to something – she prolly earned both titles of Crazy/Beautiful, but looks like she's still suffering from Interview-with-a-Vampire bites much of the time.

Frank Sirmarco said...

Erect nipples KD = yummy
All other KD = Frumpy

'nuff said.