Greased Something

Two more reality shows aired recently, each selling a different twist. Grease: You're the One that I Want is American Idol, except instead of looking for the next Taylor and Katharine, they're casting for Danny and Sandy in the upcoming Broadway production. The Apprentice: LA is, well, The Apprentice, except it's, ah, in LA. What'd I think of the pilots? Opinions ahoy!
Say what you will about American Idol, but it's terrifically well-packaged. This... is not. It's sort of like those people at Christmas who save the wrapping paper and reuse it – G:YTOTIW has Idolesque trappings, but is far less compelling.

First, the hosts – Billy Bush makes Ryan Seacrest look like Edward R. Murrow. He's got a comparable amount of product in his hair, but clearly missing something beneath it. Bush quickly hits a new hosting low when he interrupts the audition process to campaign for a girl who just got booted... only to watch her perform worse in her second chance. Co-hosting is Denise Van Outen, who, um, does less than Brian Dunkleman did before he got kicked to the curb. Her bio touts that she once got turned down for the role of Sandy in Grease, so she's clearly qualified.

Next, the judges – David Ian is touted as "the most powerful man in British theater." The role he's playing here is Simon Cowell, save for the tight black t-shirt. Plucky choreographer Kathleen Marshall plays wacky choreographer Paula Abdul, albeit less unhinged. And Jim Jacobs takes the Randy role – instead of referring to his glory days in the band Journey, he references the fact that he wrote Grease at 26. And seemingly hasn't done anything since.

Finally, the contestants – your standard lineup of has-beens, never-wills and a few maybes. Altho instead of the hundreds of thousands that Idol draws, this is more like hundreds, perhaps a thousand. So I'm not holding out for a double Tony win from this Sandy or Danny – right now the pickings appear pretty slim.

So does it clear The Pilot Hurdle? Well, it's on the dead zone known as Sunday night, so it might eke out another viewing or two before Battlestar Galactica and The Dresden Files premiere on SciFi. But as the judges routinely repeat in the vain attempt to coin a catch phrase, 'You're... not the one that I want."
Gave up on The Apprentice years ago, but figured a change of scenery might make it worth a watch. So far, so... weird. Parts of it still feel like relics: the boardroom bickering, the challenges that are debateably related to business acumen, Trump himself, etc. However, a few of the new spins are bizarrely appealing.

The shift to the West Coast is welcome. I heart NY, but year after year of the contestants hailing cabs and hawking crap in Times Square got old. The much more laid back (and laid out) landscape of LA was apparent in this first ep, when the Project Manager got all excited about making signs at Kinko's. Broke into a run screaming "it's only a few blocks away..." and then apparently ran for miles, huffing and puffing that "this might not have been the best idea." Huh. Y'think?

Also, trusted confidant Carolyn's been fired, replaced by... Trump's daughter, Ivanka. She went to Wharton and has managed developments, but her main talent is to flounce thru the challenges, be sort of pouty-sexy and appear above it all. Odd mix, but so far it works.

And in a strange bit of fusion, the producers grasped at a straw named Survivor – while the challenge winners live in a luxurious mansion, the losers have to sleep outside... in the backyard... in tents. What does this have to do with interviewing for a job? I suppose one could tap-dance up a reason like working under extreme conditions or driving to succeed, but in truth, prolly nothing. Also, it means we'll be treated to more scenes of the contestants dragging their wheelies behind them, a visual I've long felt brought the boardroom scenes to the point of lunacy.

From a Pilot Hurdle standpoint, The Apprentice is a nose above Grease, but still clinging loosely to my TiVo queue. I'll give 'em both a couple weeks – if you simply can't wait 'til next week's Idol premiere, or would like to see a bunch of Type-As brought low by LA, so should you.